What's my name?

When I was young we automatically called any adult Mr, Mrs or Miss (or by their title) unless they were relations, god parents or very close friends - then it was ‛Auntie or Uncle.'

These days codes of behaviour in Britain are much more relaxed and often now there is less distinction between generations with many children calling adults by their first names. Is this a good thing?

Many countries around the world are much more formal than we are and would take such familiarity as a lack of respect. In Nigeria for instance, young people are meant to prostrate themselves in the street if they meet someone of venerable age - I sometimes think it is a pity there isn't more of that here!

Personally I am quite happy to be called Diana by a three or a ninety three year old, but some people are not comfortable, so what do you teach your children? Well, my advice is the same as that I give to young people going out into the world of work. Always use the formal term until given permission to do otherwise.

The best thing is to ask your friends what they want to be called. Mr, Mrs or Miss is correct etiquette but many people these days are happy to be called by their first names. It is also important for you to decide how you want to be addressed by your friends' youngsters and then let them know.

Some people ask their children to use the affix ‛aunt' or uncle' for people they are hardly know, but I think to have too many is confusing for a child - those should be titles reserved for special people; relations, god parents and very close friends who see the children regularly.

One thing to be aware of is the difficulty in changing the relationship as the way we address someone puts them in a category in our minds. I know that I found it impossible to suddenly call my parents friends by their first names after years of calling them Mr or Mrs, however much they begged me to. But the respect from one generation for another should be taught regardless of what we call each other. The main thing is to teach children to look people in the eye, speak up when they are spoken to and stand up when adults enter a room. It is also a good idea to teach young people to shake hands properly as this shows respect for a guest no matter what the age and will help your children gain confidence and respect for themselves as well as from others.